At the beginning of the summer- and for the rest of it- I wished I was back at school. The day I got back home I felt I should be at school. I was ready all this time. It is six days now until I move into my dorm and get back on AU campus and I feel as though I have no time down here to close things off, say my goodbyes, or cherish my family as I should. But this whole summer I waited for this time and now I wish I would have made even more of the time in between then and now. They always say never to wish things away and I guess that's somewhat of what I did. Now, I will credit myself with doing the best in my circumstance- this summer was not what I expected and not as horrible as maybe I am portraying- but I know I could have done a bit more. Even though, I suppose that is life. Learning from each new experience.
This time right here and now makes me think. This summer at home is probably the last time I will live in this home, in my own room the way it is, for more than three weeks, at most, at a time. I really won't live here anymore. After I leave in five days, my room will be used for someone else. No longer mine. I will call this my home because my family is here but I will no longer be able to come back to this place and throw my stuff down in my room, collapse on my bed and enjoy my home. From a few days from now, I will stay at my house like any of our guests would. It's a weird concept to think about. My next room will probably be my own when I buy an apartment or move into a house. How old will I be then? I've just been thinking about this. Each stage in life is different and new.
Over this summer, I have thought a lot about the earlier times in my life. I reminisce on times when my sister and I would jump into bed at eight so we would have time to hear a bed time story before falling asleep at nine, or when my dad would bring me a "surprise package" of apples and cheese before I would go to sleep, or when my favorite movies were all on VHS and all made by Disney, or when dressing up meant my best pair of sweat pants, my favorite soccer shirt and my hair in a less messy pony tail. This summer made me think back on those stages, fun times, and quirky memories and made me love my childhood. Then, I thought about how these times I am living in now and the memories I am creating at this moment will be ones I reminisce on later. I wonder who I will be ten years from now looking at the young woman I am at nineteen. What I will think of who I am now and the things I do. Time is ridiculous, unfathomable, and constantly perplexing.
I guess all of this past and future talk is me making a note to myself to enjoy the present. I am going to squeeze all I can out of these next few days at home- love and cherish my family, enjoy and have fun with friends, make the best of time off before school, and live life. I am growing up. It's a funny thing to come face to face with. But here I am. On the brink of tons of new things. Ready for the next adventure.
